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Hi! my name is ted! But in the world of extreme LARPER's, I'm known as Lord Gumbelthorg, Ruler of the East! I dine on turkey drumsticks and drink from golden goblets covered in precious gems.

But in reality I'm just your average guy. I work at Arby's 50 hours a week (hence my username "bigmontanarama"), I love playing dungeons and dragons with my mom and mikey from three houses down. Just the other day he almost caught me fingerblasting my girlfriend annabell (if you don't know who she is, she's my blow up cutie that I talked about in "centering my chi"). But I'm fast to get her under my superman sheets before anyone get's into my room. I have to be. I have to keep my senses sharp for when Lord Gumbelthorg, Ruler of the East is on the battlefields. he must be alert at all times.

So Larping transcends the game itself. It's honed me into the mystical beast that is Ted. Without larping, I don't know where my life would be. Probably strung out on curly fries and frostees, listening to godsmack in my dark blue neon. Larping gives me a sense of purpose. It' makes me look forward to tomorrows boners.

And believe me. With all that MSG i consume.............Lord Gumbelthorg is going to raise a mighty tent, in the kilt of the Eastern Warrior.

Current Mood: divine!
Current Music: Children of Bodom

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 my mom came over today and cooked me some shittake mushrooms, and made me kool aid. she said "ted, you have to stop eating so much fast food, and drinking so many of those darn energy drinks."

i got pissed, and threw my dictionary at her. i told her to look up the word "boner".

so i left, i had to chill out ya know? so i went to the mayflower book shop. i chatted with jupiter. she's a hippy. like the real deal. shes 63, and still a fox. i bought a peace ring and it stained my finger. i also bought tarot cards. i want to read palms, and i want my soul to be aligned with the stars and planets.

on my way home i smoked a djarum, and listened to some enya. i felt soothed. i entered my home where my mom sat at the table. still crying. i told her i was sorry, i just had to center my chi. we ate the mushrooms and kool aid. i told her i felt tired. i retired to my bedroom, and fingered my blow up girlfriend who i named annabell.

Current Mood: mellow mellow

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 So i woke up today and my bedroom smelled like stinky that comes from my poophole. I wake up like that often, because i tend to eat a lot of curly fries, and roast beef.

Anyway, i woke up and remembered what this guy i work with told me. His name is Jaret. Thats right, not Jared, but Jaret. He's from Tennessee, and he smells like hot dogs and chicken noodle soup. He told me about this online community called livejournal, where you can write about whatever you want. I never heard about it, because I have been working like crazy to buy this medieval axe, and a crystal ball that is held up by merlin. It's so awesome. So i signed up today and even though nobody likes me yet, I'm loving it. I can see my picture on the computer. I feel like a celebrity.

Jaret and i had a roast beef shaving contest. i beat him. nobody can beat ted. i shaved some arbys roast beef 1/15th of an inch. THATS UNHEARD OF. but i do have magical forces working on my side.

i really need a girlfriend though. theres this girl at work who will let me put my fingers inside of her pleasure hole, but she's only 16 and it just feels wrong. so if any girls read this, lets chat. ill give you free chicken fingers. and for a date we can go to a halo lan party and sneak in some schnapps. MINT SCHNAPPS! nothing but the best for my ladies.

anywho, i have to get off this computer, because i need to iron my shirt, and watch labrynth.

Current Mood: mischievous mischievous

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my mom made me move out of my house. im only 26. i thought i had a good ten years left living in the basement reading up on wizards and goblins. but im ted, and this is what im all about.

i like boners. and i make roast beef for a living.

i have a nice haircut, and women say i have one of the most amazing foreheads they've ever seen.

i like to finger girls in their vaginas. then smell my fingers. then make my friends smell my fingers.

i like boners though. 

i want to dance in a field of poppycock rain and boner flowers.

i like my shirt.

i got it from meijers.

my name is ted, and i want to finger you.

Current Mood: naughty naughty

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